How can you tell whether someone wants listening or advice?
Do not rely on tone alone. Acknowledge the difficulty, then ask whether they want to finish explaining, organize the situation or consider options. Check again as the conversation changes.
Offer a choice without demanding certainty
You might ask whether they want to tell the full story or think about a next step. If they are unsure, listen for a while rather than immediately introducing your similar experience. The choice helps express a need; it is not a test.
Check the scope before suggesting
Ask what they have tried and which conditions cannot change. Offer one possibility and leave them to judge its relevance. Acceptance is not proof of friendship. Do not contact other people on their behalf without permission.
A worksheet you can use
Difficulty: __. Current need: listening / organizing / options / unsure. Tried already: __. Off-limits area: __. Continue or pause: __.
What if I already offered unsolicited advice?
Pause, acknowledge moving too quickly and ask what response would help now.
Evidence and scope
This concerns ordinary conversation, not emergency assistance or professional care. Your own time and capability boundaries also matter.
This practice guide suggests clarification, paraphrasing and avoiding premature advice. WKND scripts are editorial, not institution-endorsed. UC Berkeley Greater Good in Action — Active Listening
Sources and further reading
This collection in Chinese and English · Life possibilities library